I read this yesterday and it brought tears to my eyes. What a fitting culmination to this year. It began with this verse a year ago today as I headed into a Dr. Appointment realizing it was likely my last day pregnant and trying hard to trust God with the timing of the girls' arrival. Today as I reflect on motherhood, a year in the books with these girls, a year we've wrapped up quarantined and a year in which I've faced almost daily feelings of being overwhelmed by this job, I read it in a new light and am encouraged. This verse marked the beginning and is a perfect booked to our year.
"He carries them close to his heart and gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11
You need to carry out your mothering the best you can, but the Shepherd carries your babies close to His heart, and He is the one responsible for carrying your babies home.
God gently leads those who have young, because He is leading us on a journey - that journey's with our kids who are on a journey of their own.
No parent gets to decide a child's outcome - we only get to decide to always come alongside our child.
We only get to offer our child with-ness and witness on their way - we don't get to determine their way.
We desperately fear we are not enough BUT we must remember in the arms of our Father, the LORD is our Shepherd, we lack nothing. Psalm 23:1
God's a perfect father with His own prodigal kids - and He only has perfect grace for our prodigal parenting of these imperfect, glorious kids.
All will be alright, all will be redeemed, all will be restored.
If we don't turn inward - it all turns out.
Turn outward toward your children and toward your Shepherd and in the end it will all turn out.
- Ann Voskamp
We celebrated today with a small celebration, just Robert, Grammy, and Caleb, as the shelter in place orders have yet to be lifted. We set up the girls' gifts yesterday, a water table and a baby pool, and enjoyed the beautiful weather and being outdoors when they were here. It wasn't the way we normally do 1st birthdays but it was still nice.
Aubrey has this one amazing snaggletooth which Daddy says has it's own personality and thinks should have it's own blog post. I don't have quite that much to say about it but it is really funny and makes it easy to tell the girls apart for now.
12 Month Milestones
Maddie is taking a few steps
Maddie (L) and Aubrey (R)
Aubrey
Aubrey
Aubrey
Maddie
Smash Cakes!
Maddie (L) and Aubrey (R)
Maddie (L) and Aubrey (R)
Aubrey
Maddie
Miss Maddie has started taking a few steps.
Aubrey and Maddie,
You girls have been an adventure from the very beginning. From the moment we found out that we were having twins this has felt like uncharted territory. It felt like we were old pros at this pregnancy and parenting thing and then at the same time it all somehow felt new and unknown. We really didn't know what to expect. I've never had as many doctor appointments as I had with you girls, nor as many tests or ultrasounds. By the end of our pregnancy we were actually going in twice a week for stress tests. It was crazy!
Then you came a month early, 2 days before Mother's Day, and had to spend 2 weeks in the N.I.C.U. In hindsight I'm convinced that God knew that this was best not only for your health but for me. At the time I was very upset, but after you were born we discovered that you hadn't really gained any weight in the 2 weeks prior to delivery. Based on my last ultrasound measurements and what you should have been gaining we were expecting you to be just over 5lb but instead you were 4.5 and 4.6. A nurse told me in recovery that a year earlier they had lost a pair of identical twins. I just couldn't even imagine. Even thought being early brought its challenges we were so thankful that you were healthy and as it turned out those first weeks in the N.I.C.U., though tough, will also always hold a special place in my heart. I spent soooo much time holding you. You slept on my chest almost all day and we had much needed time to figure out breastfeeding.
Honestly, all in all you've made it pretty easy on us. Once you got nursing down we never looked back. I'll always remember the way you'd reach for each other from about 3 months to 8 months. You'd almost always search around with your little hand until you found each other and then you'd hang on the entire time. At about 9 month's you moved to irritating each other a bit more wanting to poke and distract one another but I enjoyed our time and am proud that we made it an entire year. You also loved your big girl food and from the very beginning have been willing to eat almost anything I gave you unlike most of your siblings at your same age.
I can't complain about your sleeping either. I remember at about 2 months I was able to swaddle you up and lay you in your bed and you'd go right to sleep. I'd lay down one of you, then go down and get the other, come back in and you'd both just go right to sleep. I was so amazed that you'd sleep through each others noises and go to bed so easily. Even when you were sick or teething I can remember having some long nights but you rarely were up at the same time. I'd rock one of you for a long time and get you back to sleep and then the other would wake up a little while later. It made for a tired Momma but I was always amazed that you didn't wake one another up and I was always thankful because it gave me a chance to comfort each of you.
One of my favorite memories from this year will always be coming in to wake you up. I'll always remember when you first learned to pull yourself up in your cribs and discovered you could see each other. From that day on I almost always came in to two happy babies busy talking to each other and squealing and just as happy as can be.
Though you can often still fool us when you're dressed alike we're getting better and better at telling you apart and your personalities are coming out more and more which is fun. You're both very ticklish and smile easily.
Aubrey, you have been nicknamed Boo by your Daddy. You seem to have a little more of a stubborn streak than your sister, you love to laugh, and you also tend to be a little more cautious although you've met most of your milestones just a few days before your sis.
Maddie, you've were giving the nickname Halfpint by your Daddy but it has given way to Bonk which is what we call you now because you seem to be fearless and as a result have had your fare share of bruises. You also took your first steps just a little before your sis. You are sweet and a little more easily distracted in a competition for a toy but you also know how to hold your own and can give sis a real run for her money,
We also love to call you our Naughty Nuggets, our Noodle Knockers, and our Twinkies!
You're favorite part of the day has almost always been the end of the day when Daddy and Mommy sit on the floor with you up in your room. You love to crawl on us and play with your toys until Daddy burritos you for the night.
Your siblings ADORE you. I've waited all year for the newness to wear off but literally every morning when I come down the stairs with you they all look up from what they're doing or watching to say Twinnies!!! Every one of them loves you. They loved holding you and feeding you as newborns, they were excited about each new thing you learned, and as you got close to a year they loved pushing you outside in the stroller and giving you rides on your little cars and I know they just can't wait for you to play with them even more this next year. In fact when Hazel came in to say good morning this morning she was disappointed you hadn't grown up overnight. She kept asking if on your birthday you'd be as old as Harper who is 3 months older than you and I kept saying yes they'll be one just like Harper. The words out of her mouth when she came in where. "They're still little? You said they'd be as big as Harper." I'm not quite ready for you to grow up more but I think Hazel is.
Anyway, we love you girls. Happy Birthday! You are the sweetest!
Love,
Daddy and Mommy
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