Working with Daddy!

Incase you're wondering they are working on our new hallway which eventually will lead to our new family room/ Sadie's playroom.

Laughter

Sadie learned to laugh recently and we're loving it!

Held

The past few weeks have been difficult ones for me. It's funny how grief works and I know it's different for everyone but for some reason the past couple of weeks have been especially difficult for me. It seems that while one moment I am overwhelmed by feelings of peace the next moment I find that feelings of grief are sneaking up again. Yet, it's amazing to me how during these times when I am feeling such a tremendous amount of pain, I can still feel such a strong sense of God's presence watching over me and holding me. I don't think I've ever understood in this way how pain and God's presence can go hand in hand.

This said I've been listening to a song by Natalie Grant called "Held." I've listened to it over and over again and I just love what it has to say about these times. It talks about how hard it is to understand why tragedy happens, how hard it is to understand why things sacred to us would be taken, and yet it reminds us that we were not promised any of these things that we grieve. The promise was rather that when everything fell apart in "our world" we'd be held by our Savior who loves us.

Anyway so as I've listened to this song and allowed myself to grieve I've also tried to be conscious of the moments when God is holding me and for me writing things out helps me to process in a different way what God is doing.  There's something about putting it out there that makes me take hold of God's promises in a very tangible way. So today I thought I'd share some of the ways that I've felt God holding me during these past weeks and to encourage you to look for the ways that God is holding you as well. More and more I think that God is always holding us and we just don't realize it most of the time.

1. Last week on an especially tough day God provided me with a friend who called me up to have lunch and gave me a chance to talk about my dad.

2. At Bible Study we are doing a Beth Moore study on Esther and we're on the part where she says "if I perish I perish," which lead us to some discussion about fears and death seems to be one of peoples greatest. Anyway, during the video one of the things that Beth said was "If God calls us to a death that takes great courage, then it must be part of our destiny. It must be a great part of our story because death isn't our destiny." (Praise God that death isn't the end!) Then she said, "Courage isn't the absence of fear but the knowledge that there is something greater. So why don't we live now and in the blink of an eye live like we'll never die." I was so encouraged by these thoughts and know that in this moment God was holding me and encouraging my spirit.

3. We also talked about Ephesians 2:6 which says, "Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions. It is by grace you have been saved and God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus in order that in the coming ages He might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus." For us as believers this reminds us that we are alive NOW and that for us death is simply a trading of bodies and the beginning of our life in the presence of our Lord.

4. I've been held by my husband as I've missed my dad. I feel God's arms around me as he does his best to comfort me.

5. I've been held by the prayers of our couples group.

6. A group of my college friends brought us meals to let us know that they were still thinking and praying for us without having any idea that it had been a hard week.

7. Sadie learned to laugh last week. After an especially long day we were sitting at the dinner table and she laughed and laughed at Brandon. What a precious gift.

Christmas 2009!

Where did December go? It's crazy how the holidays always seem to fly by despite my best efforts to slow down and enjoy them. Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed your Christmas and New Years as much as we did.

We began our festivities on Christmas Eve this year. We went to the family service at our church where we watched the kids tell the Christmas story and then we headed home to begin our own Christmas traditions and to open presents as a family.

I don't think Sadie knew what to make of her gift because she just stared at it like this until she finally got tired and fell asleep :)

Then Christmas morning it was off to Oceanside, CA to spend the day with Brandon's family.

Nana

Great-Aunt Licia

Then we ended the day flying to Oregon to be with my family. As you can imagine this made for a very hectic day but it was great getting to see everyone and Sadie was a real trooper. By the time we finally got to Portland she was over being in her car seat but all in all she was wonderful and we were so grateful.

This past Thanksgiving we bought 2 turkeys because Ryan LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, turkey and wanted to make sure that there would be plenty of leftovers. However, because so many people were bringing us meals during this time there was no room for it in the freezer. So we decided to store it out in the barn freezer until we had room. Unfortunately, to Ryan's dismay the turkey mysteriously disappeared a few days later. He was so bummed that I teased him that for Christmas I was going to buy him a turkey. Funny thing was he got really excited about that idea and every time I talked to him after that he reminded me that I had promised to get him a turkey. Anyway, so we went to open presents and our family always takes turns choosing one from the tree to open and when it was Ryan's turn he proudly found the biggest one and said, "I hope this is my turkey." It was and he made us all laugh as he always does. :)

Uncle Robert

Grammy

Another highlight of our trip was Brandon's big kill! Every time we go to Oregon Brandon goes out looking for Neutrea. Basically they are a mix between a rat and a beaver and they live in the blackberry bushes along our lagoon. Anyway, these creatures are quite illusive and thus far we've only seen pictures of Ryan's kills. However, this time Brandon was very excited to get one of his own. Way to go Honey!

All Things New

This is destined to be a long post as it seems like so much has happened, but it is what it is and I'm learning that that's how life goes and it's okay. So for the past almost 3 weeks I've been in Oregon saying goodbye to my Dad, supporting and being supported by my family, taking care of Sadie, and introducing her to her so many loving aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles, great grandparents, and many more. It was such a blessing to get to spend so much time up there. I felt like I was able to be a part of my family the way I wanted to and to focus on being a sister and daughter for a little while. Now however I am glad to be home again settling back into life with Brandon and Sadie. Right now life feels like a bit of a blur to me with so much having just happened and the holidays right around the corner, but I'm trying to stay focused on the many ways that I've been blessed and the theme seems to be new things. 

First there is the blessing of Sadie. She has just learned to smile and is starting to watch us and smile when we talk to her and that has been so much fun. Second, I love decorating for Christmas so as soon as I got home I pulled out our tree, turned on the Christmas music, and set to decorating our house. As I decorated I thought about the reason we celebrate and again it's about a new baby who was sent. Christmas is the beginning of the story which ends with our salvation and so today I am filled with hope that I will see my Dad again because of a newborn baby sent on that very first Christmas. Finally, today Brandon and some of our friends laid sod on our front lawn. Our lawn has been very dead since this past summer and I'm already loving our new lawn and the fact that we have friends who are willing to spend a Saturday helping us out. So today although my heart is tired and aching it is also full and I am truly thankful for all things new! 

Alright now for a bunch of pictures I hope you enjoy seeing what we've been up to and how Sadie is growing.

Uncle Caleb is a pretty young uncle at 15 but I was impressed by how well he did with Sadie.

Auntie Kendy was so excited to meet Sadie and get some cuddle time.

Now Uncle Ryan was another story. He suggested I get a return policy on Sadie last month when she was born and reminded me of it every time she fussed. However, as you'll see he warmed up to her. :) Uncle Ryan and Auntie Amy hanging out with Sadie and teaching her about becoming a mechanic! Uncle Robert is a natural with babies and always has been. So Sweet! Great Grandpa and Grandma Swier Great Grandpa and Grandma Moss The youngest grandchild on the Moss side of the family Ellie and the oldest great-grandchild Sadie. They were born about 2 weeks apart. I love being a part of a big family because crazy ideas like this one seem to catch on so quickly. Let's just say I think we cleared the Salem Target out of its footie pajamas. :) All of the cousins on the Moss side of our family were able to make it to Dad's funeral. So here we are from me, the oldest, to Ellie the youngest. Our family on Dad's day! Auntie Amy's 2nd photo shoot of Sadie. I love all the cute pictures she takes and have to share a few of my favorites! So Big! Brandon with the help of Dave, Jeremiah, and John laid sod on our front yard today. Check out the before and after photos.